Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
