i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
