shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
