im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
