Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
