No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
