take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize