I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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