I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize