WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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