I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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