ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
