margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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