yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
