2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
