okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
