What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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