every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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