I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize