...so i touched it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
