shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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