Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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