Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just forgot I was standing up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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