I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
