I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
