Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
