when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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