I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
