You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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