I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
