Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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