ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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