I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
