Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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