I wish I only lived at night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
