this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
