I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
