If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
