i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
