If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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