I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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