a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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