Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
