I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
