You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
