the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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