there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
