So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
