then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
