That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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