She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
