I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
