Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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