proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
