So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
