Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
