Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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