I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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