shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
