So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
