this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
