Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just google imaged poop.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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