An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
