I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She said her name was "party"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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