My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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