every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
