I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
