Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
