I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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