So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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