Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
