That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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