the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
